Questions families ask
Frequently asked questions
Choose a question to read the answer. If yours isn’t here, call me or send it through the form.
Why have a funeral?
As difficult as it can be to talk about death, grief and funerals, it is ultimately more difficult to avoid them. For thousands of years, funerals have been how we express our beliefs, thoughts and feelings about the death of someone we love.
A funeral ceremony:
- helps us acknowledge that someone we love has died
- allows us to say goodbye
- helps us remember our loved one and share those memories with others
- offers a time and place to talk about their life and their death
- surrounds family and friends with support
- allows us to search for the meaning of life and death
- offers continuity and hope for the living
Whether you choose burial or cremation, the purpose of a funeral is to recognize a particular life and to make real the fact that it has ended. The remembering, deciding and reflecting that go into planning the service are often an important part of grief and mourning.
A funeral is a rite of passage, like a graduation, a wedding or a baptism. It marks an event that changes our lives. Funerals are for the living: for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. It is often the first step in healing. It is a time to tell stories, a time for the community to support those who mourn, and a time to say goodbye.
What is a certified funeral celebrant?
A funeral celebrant is trained and certified to provide a funeral, memorial or celebration of life that is highly personal, reflecting the personality, lifestyle and beliefs of your loved one. A celebrant encourages family and friends to take part in creating a meaningful ceremony, then writes and leads the ceremony for you. A funeral celebrant is sometimes called a funeral officiant.
Why have a funeral celebrant?
Many people today do not belong to a faith community, and many others follow a spiritual path without being religious. When a loved one dies, they are often unsure how to create a tribute that fits.
Family and friends often want to take part in shaping the gathering, but may find it hard to speak publicly about their loss. A celebrant does that for you. I shape the ceremony around your loved one and your family’s beliefs, whether religious, non-religious or a blend of both, and I speak when words are hard to find.
What if we don’t know what we want?
Most families don’t, and that is where we begin. You do not need a plan, a theme or the right words before you call.
When we meet, I ask about your loved one: what they cared about, what made them laugh, the stories you keep telling. The shape of the ceremony comes out of that conversation. I bring suggestions for readings, music and moments of remembrance, and you choose what feels right.
Can family members and friends speak?
Yes, and I encourage it. A eulogy, a reading, a poem or a short memory from someone close often becomes the part people remember most.
I can help each speaker prepare and find a place for them in the ceremony. If no one feels able to stand up on the day, that is fine too. Share your words and memories with me beforehand and I will speak them for you.
How long is the ceremony?
Most funeral and memorial ceremonies run 30 to 45 minutes. A graveside service is usually shorter, and a celebration of life with several speakers and music can run longer.
We set the length together so it suits your family, the venue and any timing the funeral home needs to keep.
What is an earth burial?
Earth burial is the practice of placing the body in the ground, usually in a casket and usually in a cemetery. Your loved one can be buried in clothing you choose, and personal items may be placed in the casket.
Some cemeteries ask for a burial vault or grave liner, which keeps the ground from shifting and becoming uneven over the years. Most cemeteries allow family and friends to hold a ceremony at the graveside before the burial. Your funeral director can explain the choices and the costs.
What is cremation?
Cremation uses intense heat to reduce the body to bone fragments, which are then processed into what are commonly called ashes or cremated remains. The cremation itself takes a few hours.
Cremated remains may be kept in an urn at home, placed in a columbarium, buried, or scattered where that is permitted. The body is cremated in a container, which can be a simple cremation container or a casket. The crematorium needs to know about a pacemaker or other implant so it can be removed beforehand. Your funeral director can explain the choices.
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